Taking her in hand when she won't ask for it

From Silly Elephant, 4 Months ago, written in Plain Text, viewed 66 times.
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  8. If she wants you to be dominant without explicit input from her, then just be dominant. Consider her point of view, and then make your decisions. Expect her to accept them. Don't worry about *why* she's rebelling - whether it's to test you or whether it's for real. My feeling is that if you take on this role with confidence, she will assert herself when she needs to. She doesn't want to be overruled all the time, just when you really think she's wrong. And I'm sure that you will consider her side of things.
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  10. Perhaps you should just announce to her that you will spank her in the future just as long and hard as you think she needs. If she thinks you have gone too far at some point, she will have to talk to you about it. Are you really afraid that she might hate you afterwards? If she expects you to read her mind, she has no right to be angry if you do it wrong. But I suspect, if she seems frustrated by a light spanking, that she wants to be taken past the point of resistance to a total surrender.
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  12. I need my husband to not care how I feel in a certain way. In order to satisfy a deeper need in me, he needs to ignore my protests until I am utterly subdued. On the surface, it looks like he doesn't care how I feel, but underneath that, he is caring for me. It wasn't easy for me to communicate this need, and if he could have just read my mind, that would have been great.
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  14. I hope this helps a little.
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  16. Melanie
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  18. by Melanie on 2004 Apr 6 - 15:11 | reply to this comment
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  20. Perhaps you would find it more effective to ask her to communicate with you through writing assignments, particularly when you reach the point where she backs away and no longer wants to discuss being taken in hand by you. I have an introverted personality, and have a hard time expressing myself in "on the spot" situations. I need time to think my position through, and be able to articulate it in my own format. For example, I may wish to discuss A, B, C and D, but while we are discussing B a question may arise that leads to F, G and back to A, leaving C and D untouched. But if I'm given time to write what I wish about A, B, C, and D then having it read, and discussing any questions that arise I feel that everything I've wanted to touch on is covered, without losing the flow. Also, after I've completed the writing assignment, I may remember things I'd planned to include that I didn't, I have the opportunity to revise it or I can bring them up while discussing the assignment later.
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  22. You also may find it helpful to have her read articles by others and ask get her to discuss those situations either face to face or in writing. Being able to discuss it from a third party perspective should help keep it from being her "controling you" in her mind, while giving you a good idea of what's going on in hers.
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